I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
