how can u be prego again
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize