just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
