I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
