You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
