your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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