Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
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