Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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