Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
