As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
