you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
