if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
