real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
