i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
