He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
