he wants to bone in the snuggie
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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