there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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