Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
