Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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