Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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