Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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