My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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