he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
