I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
