at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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