you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize