i always forget guys have bellybuttons
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
