I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
