dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
