i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
