I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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