You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize