Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my shit smells like andre
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
