I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
