My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
