planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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