whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
