My room smells like vodka and shame
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
being pregnant is like rehab
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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