It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
