God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
