Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize