you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I want a musical about memes.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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