Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
