drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
