Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
