the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
