I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
