Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
this boner is exhausting
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
