I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
