I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
