Its about making memories worth repressing
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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