Define "chronic" masturbator.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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