it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
