My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
