it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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