Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
