I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
