isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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