I think my vagina is haunted
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
