he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
