see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
