i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
