Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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