New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize