What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Randomize
