my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
