I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
